Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Colonel Sanders - Your Personal Health Guardian

As you can plainly see from this ad, the Colonel espouses a healthy living attitude as I'm sure that the football on the ad means that I should be playing rather than watching football.

What's that? You think it's about eating a bucket of fried chicken while watching football?

Couldn't be. You know how I know? Yesterday while researching KFCs plans to scare away invading aliens I stumbled across their nutrition resources in a page Con-Agra calls, "Keep it Balanced" and it was on that page that I finally learned how to manage my weight and enjoy fried foods along with a few wonderful quobesities!

You see, according to the nutritional wizards working for Supreme Overlord Sanders (if you're confused, scroll down to yesterday's post),

"Many quick picks like tacos and pizza are full of important nutrients [Hey, Health Canada LOVES nutrients!] providing three or four food groups all in one."
So you see, they're SMART picks! So when I eat a pizza, I'm getting TONS of nutrients and basically a salad because I have tomato sauce with onions, hot peppers and pineapples!

But Supreme Overlord Sanders, even you must admit it seems like the World is getting heavier quite quickly. Did you see the report that said that there were now more overweight Africans than underweight Africans [a huge blow to the clean-your-plate club motivational speaking wing]? Well, those nutritional wizards know what to do,
"No single food causes weight gain [that's right, if you just eat one piece of food a day, you'll never gain weight]. It's about the total calories. So make your calories count by eating foods rich in nutrition [like Tacos and Pizza], and kick up the exercise a few notches when you eat more than you need."
Clearly those Africans must not exercise enough!

What I'll probably do for dinner - I think I'll have a KFC crispy twister sandwich (670 calories), along with KFC potato wedges (240 calories), a slice of KFC pecan pie (480 calories) and a large Pepsi (280 calories) and then when I get home, I'll just tell my wife and 27 month old daughter that I love them but the Colonel says I have to kick up my exercises a few notches and then I'll go for the 3 hours of running that I would need to take to burn off the over 1600 calories I ate for dinner at KFC. You know, I guess that's unfair, I do after all need some calories for dinner, so I guess I'll go for a short 2 hour run and keep some of those chalk full of nutrients calories just for me.

Gee, those folks over at Con-Agra foods sure are smart! I hope that Health Canada consulted them when creating their new Food Guide.

Great news! On the Food Guide's revision 12-member Advisory Board sits Ms. Carolyn O'Brien, the Director of Scientific & Regulatory Affairs at the Food and Consumer Products Manufacturers of Canada - a purely industry based organization whose members include KFCs Con-Agra!

Hurray! Way to go Health Canada! No one knows nutrition better than the Colonel, and no one cares more about the health and welfare of Canadians than the food industry. Right?

(Looking for the Food Guide series? It can be found if you click here.)

Bookmark and Share

1 comment:

  1. Oh my god, I am laughing so hard, I'm crying!

    ReplyDelete