So I was tipped off that buried in Health Canada's website, are in fact a few pages that do mention Calories.
The first page takes 4 clicks to get to from the Food Guide landing page and has a table of "average" Caloric needs that vary according to your age and sex.
Consistent with Health Canada, the table ignores the more important variables of height, weight and activity level on your Caloric requirements, despite the fact that presumably even Health Canada knows that the the taller, heavier or more active you are, the more calories you burn.
Linked from that first page is a resource that is reported to be there to help you
"calculate your individual estimated energy requirement us(ing) the formulas provided."Sounds great, right?
Just what I've been asking for, right?
Then why am I posting this for Funny Friday?
Want to see what Health Canada thinks is helpful?
I'll tell you what, it's not an online Calorie calculator like the one I've pointed you folks to in the past (located here)
I've cut and pasted their helpful resource below.
Amazingly, even I'm shocked that they managed to do this so badly.
It's so bad that it's kind of funny in a horrifically sad, schadenfreude kind of way, it's like they're walking around stepping on rakes, which is why I'm co-labeling it for Funny Fridays.
So without further ado, here is what Health Canada has posted to help you calculate your individual Calorie needs.
Have a great weekend!
Equations to estimate energy requirement
Infants and young children
Estimated Energy Requirement (kcal/day) = Total Energy Expenditure + Energy Deposition
0-3 months EER = (89 x weight [kg] –100) + 175
4-6 months EER = (89 x weight [kg] –100) + 56
7-12 months EER = (89 x weight [kg] –100) + 22
13-35 months EER = (89 x weight [kg] –100) + 20
Children and Adolescents 3-18 years
Estimated Energy Requirement (kcal/day) = Total Energy Expenditure + Energy Deposition
Boys
3-8 years [EER = 88.5 - (61.9 x age [y])+ PA x { (26.7 x weight [kg]) + (903 x height [m]) } + 20]
9-18 years [EER = 88.5 - (61.9 x age [y]) + PA x { (26.7 x weight [kg]) + (903 x height [m]) } + 25]
Girls
3-8 years [EER = 135.3 - (30.8 x age [y]) + PA x { (10.0 x weight [kg])+ (934 x height [m]) } + 20]
9-18 years [EER = 135.3 - (30.8 x age [y]) + PA x { (10.0 x weight [kg]) + (934 x height [m]) } + 25]
Adults 19 years and older
Estimated Energy Requirement (kcal/day) = Total Energy Expenditure
Men [EER = 662 - (9.53 x age [y]) + PA x { (15.91 x weight [kg]) + (539.6 x height [m]) }]
Women [EER = 354 - (6.91 x age [y]) + PA x { (9.36 x weight [kg]) + (726 x height [m]) }]
Pregnancy
Estimated Energy Requirement (kcal/day) = Non-pregnant EER + Pregnancy Energy Deposition
1 st trimester EER = Non-pregnant EER + 0
2 nd trimester EER = Non-pregnant EER + 340
3 rd trimester EER = Non-pregnant EER + 452
Lactation
Estimated Energy Requirement (kcal/day) = Non-pregnant EER + Milk Energy Output – Weight Loss
0-6 months postpartum EER = Non-pregnant EER + 500 – 170
7-12 months postpartum EER = Non-pregnant EER + 400 – 0
These equations provide an estimate of energy requirement. Relative body weight (i.e. loss, stable, gain) is the preferred indicator of energy adequacy.
Physical Activity Coefficients (PA values) for use in EER equations
Sedentary (PAL 1.0-1.39)Typical daily living activities (e.g., household tasks, walking to the bus)
Low Active (PAL 1.4-1.59)Typical daily living activities PLUS 30 - 60 minutes of daily moderate activity (ex. walking at 5-7 km/h)
Active(PAL 1.6-1.89)Typical daily living activities PLUS At least 60 minutes of daily moderate activity
Very Active (PAL 1.9-2.5)Typical daily living activities PLUS At least 60 minutes of daily moderate activity PLUS An additional 60 minutes of vigorous activity or 120 minutes of moderate activity