Tuesday, February 27, 2007

KFC - your secret parenting weapon

Talk about a quobesity goldmine!

I just have to take a moment to thank KFC. They are a health blogger's dream come true.

They've recently launched their, "Bring Back Dinner" campaign, replete with a website chock full of abject stupidity.

The basic premise of their campaign is that dinner is just too darn hard to make - thank goodness for KFC.

There's an article that details how difficult it is to shop at the grocery store entitled, "Grocery shlepping - Or how a $120 trip to the grocery store provided lots of diversions but nothing for dinner".

There's the great landing page with deeply insightful quotes from their cartoon moms (they change with each landing), "If only my car had a stove", "I think dinner requires silverware", "I love the smell of takeout in the evening", and my personal favourite, "Who's got time to pre-heat?".

There's the "Chew on this" section that discusses the fact that dinner is a modern phenomenon.

There's the "Dinner Tidbits" section that quotes The National Council on Addiction and Substance Abuse detailing the fact that the more family meals a child eats, the less drugs, alcohol and cigarettes that he or she uses.

But my favourite two sections are the last two.

The first is the "Food for Thought" section. There KFC helpfully tries to give some suggestions about what your family should talk about over dinner. Here's a wonderful, heartwarming quobesity,

"Each night at dinner have someone read one of the "Talk" topics aloud. Then go around the table, one at a time, letting kids answer first (that way Mom and Dad's answers won't distract). Set up a few rules, like no interrupting each other and no critiques"

Here's the best part,

"Then grab a plate of KFC chicken, mashed potatoes and coleslaw and enjoy a heaping of conversation"
But the most quobesigenic part of the site comes from their "Good Grade Challenge".
"We want your kids to desire straight As like they wish for a bucket of KFC. And research shows that children who have dinner with their families five or more times a week are more likely to have higher grades in school. We're so confident that good things will happen if you come together at the dinner table we created the KFC Good Grade Challenge. Just add another KFC family dinner to your weekly calendar, one night a week for ten weeks, and we believe you'll see your child's grades improve."
Uh huh.

Lastly of course, there's the "Mom, I'm Hungry" shopping list generator which allows you to type in how many people are eating and what you want from KFC and it'll recommend portions. I typed in 4 people and chose biscuits and mashed potatoes along with chicken of course.

When I crunched the numbers that came out of the "shopping list" foods, my family members and I were each having close to 1,000 incredibly nutritious, grade inflating, family harmony generating, drug use banishing, odious shopping trip defeating, pre-heating goes to hell in a KFC basket, Calories.

Thank you KFC, thank you for making my family whole again.